Theme Park Thoughts

Due to a steady stream of visiting relatives, I make an annual or biannual pilgrimage to various Southern California theme parks. Here are some of my thoughts from the latest round of trips:

Universal Studios Hollywood — The Simpsons Ride

The Simpsons Ride takes over the area previously occupied by Back to the Future: The Ride, and continues the earlier attraction's tradition of entertaining motion simulation.

The ride's concept is that the Simpsons (including Grandpa Abe!) are visiting Krustyland, a cross between Disneyland and the shadiest carnival you've ever been to. Their outing turns into an adventure after escaped convict Sideshow Bob takes over the park and attempts to kill Bart and his family — and you — for always foiling his plots to take revenge on his former employer, Krusty.

The best part of the ride is the line. Nothing makes an hour go by faster than watching the numerous flat-panel displays placed throughout the queueing area, which show a mix of The Simpsons' funniest moments (with a heavy dose of amusement park parodies) and clips created exclusively for the ride. As you get closer to the end, the fun continues, particularly in one room where it looks like Apu, Groundskeeper Willie, Patty & Selma, and Hans Moleman are life-size, within booths, talking to the guests. Also, don't miss the park map, and the circus-style posters for Krustyland's various amusements, including everyone's favorite, the Yard Work Simulator.

Homages to Back to the Future don't stop at the rib-tickling Doc Brown cameo in one of the clips shown in the line. The ride itself is essentially the same as its predecessor, down to the number of people in the vehicles and the domed IMAX screens. Of course, the technology has been updated and there's more spraying of water and baby powder aroma, but that goes with the times.

People who remember the old ride (which you can watch in its entirety over on "the You Tube"; intro clips: 1, 2) will note the many similarities, including parts where you're flying over a city, entering into a giant creature's mouth, and nearly falling into the burning lava pits of hell. Truthfully, the newer ride is a bit harder to follow, as it has much more dialogue and random scene changes, compared to the simpler chase structure of the old ride. That may just encourage repeat visits, though, as there are many in-jokes and visual puns to take in. I'm also not a fan of the third dimension that's added to the animation once you're actually on the ride — if it's going to end up being like watching a giant PlayStation 2 game anyway, why not pay Rough Draft Studios the extra bucks to get the clean-looking cel-shaded 2-D/3-D blend of The Simpsons Movie and Futurama?

Personal preferences aside, The Simpsons Ride is a worthy successor to Back to the Future: The Ride, and is probably more enjoyable for anyone who doesn't remember or isn't nostalgic for Marty McFly, Doc Brown, and the DeLorean. Even if motion simulation isn't your thing, you'll laugh all the way to the ride. If not, well, don't expect Krusty to give you your money back.

Disneyland — Innoventions

By far the coolest thing at Disneyland's Innoventions — the building in Tomorrowland that you've probably never been into unless desperate for A/C — is Honda's ASIMO robot. I'd watched many video clips and photos of ASIMO, but seeing it in person left me even more impressed, if not fearful (of the inevitable bot uprising).

After viewing a brief video about the history of automatons and robots, which includes humorous montages of lame 1950s B-movie monsters and early experiments in robot walking (picture a metallic ostrich, drunk), the curtains open to reveal the living room of a house. In walks a Kirsten Dunst stand-in, who explains that she just received her new ASIMO and wants to show us what it can do. After a few more moments of suspense, ASIMO enters and the auditorium's collective jaw drops.

What follows over the next 20 minutes is a demonstration of the mechanical man's various capabilities: walking forward, backwards, and sideways; kicking a soccer ball, stretching, and running; dancing; and the highlight of the show, ascending and descending stairs. The movements are deliberate, but smooth. I could do without the cheesy dialogue that connects each demo, but I suppose Disney is going for a 1950s World's Fair vibe.

While I'm sure ASIMO needed some custom programming for a show like this, many of the actions seemed to make use of its voice recognition, as the hostess would often make sure to look straight into its camera eyes and use specific phrases like, "ASIMO, why don't we show these people that you can also walk sideways?" Once in a while, the TV screens would show live footage from the cameras, superimposed with graphics that ostensibly show the object recognition at work. ASIMO also speaks, with the voice of a young boy. Fear not, though, child voice actors, it will be a while before you're out of a job.

As an engineer, it's hard not to be dazzled by ASIMO, knowing how difficult it must have been to create. Everyone else in the auditorium couldn't take their eyes (and cameras) off it either. It may ultimately just be an expensive toy, a fancy version of the Robosapien or Pleo that kids are playing with these days, but it's also an inspiring achievement of science and technology. We're not yet living in the future that was promised 50 years ago, but ASIMO is one step forward (pun intended) in that direction.

As for Innoventions in general, I would say that the only other thing worth checking out are the Segways, which you can learn to ride, for a minute or two. The "aging mirror" might be good for a few laughs as well. The rest of Innoventions is no more impressive than your local Best Buy, in my opinion. I'll grant Disney that visitors from some places might be impressed by the "house of tomorrow", with its HP Vista Media Center PCs (some stuck on the hourglass cursor), Xbox 360s, and Microsoft Zunes (yes, really). Most people, however, will find the conceit that they're being shown "not wild ideas that may fail, but futuristic technology that you can buy today" to be a thin veil over the truth that it's just a place to showcase sponsors' products, many of which aren't very futuristic at all. I can't tell you how many people I saw walking up to the touch screens attempting to pinch-and-zoom or multi-touch, leaving disappointed. Kids might like playing some of the games, but did you really spend hundreds of dollars on Disneyland admission so that they could play the same Guitar Hero they do at their friends' houses?

I won't go as far as saying that Tomorrowland has become Todayland. I will say, though, that Innoventions needs more things like ASIMO and Segway, or even the Siemens "Project Tomorrow" exhibit (scroll down), if it wants to be something more than a place to sit down for a while and escape from the heat.