Theme Park Thoughts

Due to a steady stream of visiting relatives, I make an annual or biannual pilgrimage to various Southern California theme parks. Here are some of my thoughts from the latest round of trips:

Universal Studios Hollywood — The Simpsons Ride

The Simpsons Ride takes over the area previously occupied by Back to the Future: The Ride, and continues the earlier attraction's tradition of entertaining motion simulation.

The ride's concept is that the Simpsons (including Grandpa Abe!) are visiting Krustyland, a cross between Disneyland and the shadiest carnival you've ever been to. Their outing turns into an adventure after escaped convict Sideshow Bob takes over the park and attempts to kill Bart and his family — and you — for always foiling his plots to take revenge on his former employer, Krusty.

The best part of the ride is the line. Nothing makes an hour go by faster than watching the numerous flat-panel displays placed throughout the queueing area, which show a mix of The Simpsons' funniest moments (with a heavy dose of amusement park parodies) and clips created exclusively for the ride. As you get closer to the end, the fun continues, particularly in one room where it looks like Apu, Groundskeeper Willie, Patty & Selma, and Hans Moleman are life-size, within booths, talking to the guests. Also, don't miss the park map, and the circus-style posters for Krustyland's various amusements, including everyone's favorite, the Yard Work Simulator.

Homages to Back to the Future don't stop at the rib-tickling Doc Brown cameo in one of the clips shown in the line. The ride itself is essentially the same as its predecessor, down to the number of people in the vehicles and the domed IMAX screens. Of course, the technology has been updated and there's more spraying of water and baby powder aroma, but that goes with the times.

People who remember the old ride (which you can watch in its entirety over on "the You Tube"; intro clips: 1, 2) will note the many similarities, including parts where you're flying over a city, entering into a giant creature's mouth, and nearly falling into the burning lava pits of hell. Truthfully, the newer ride is a bit harder to follow, as it has much more dialogue and random scene changes, compared to the simpler chase structure of the old ride. That may just encourage repeat visits, though, as there are many in-jokes and visual puns to take in. I'm also not a fan of the third dimension that's added to the animation once you're actually on the ride — if it's going to end up being like watching a giant PlayStation 2 game anyway, why not pay Rough Draft Studios the extra bucks to get the clean-looking cel-shaded 2-D/3-D blend of The Simpsons Movie and Futurama?

Personal preferences aside, The Simpsons Ride is a worthy successor to Back to the Future: The Ride, and is probably more enjoyable for anyone who doesn't remember or isn't nostalgic for Marty McFly, Doc Brown, and the DeLorean. Even if motion simulation isn't your thing, you'll laugh all the way to the ride. If not, well, don't expect Krusty to give you your money back.

Disneyland — Innoventions

By far the coolest thing at Disneyland's Innoventions — the building in Tomorrowland that you've probably never been into unless desperate for A/C — is Honda's ASIMO robot. I'd watched many video clips and photos of ASIMO, but seeing it in person left me even more impressed, if not fearful (of the inevitable bot uprising).

After viewing a brief video about the history of automatons and robots, which includes humorous montages of lame 1950s B-movie monsters and early experiments in robot walking (picture a metallic ostrich, drunk), the curtains open to reveal the living room of a house. In walks a Kirsten Dunst stand-in, who explains that she just received her new ASIMO and wants to show us what it can do. After a few more moments of suspense, ASIMO enters and the auditorium's collective jaw drops.

What follows over the next 20 minutes is a demonstration of the mechanical man's various capabilities: walking forward, backwards, and sideways; kicking a soccer ball, stretching, and running; dancing; and the highlight of the show, ascending and descending stairs. The movements are deliberate, but smooth. I could do without the cheesy dialogue that connects each demo, but I suppose Disney is going for a 1950s World's Fair vibe.

While I'm sure ASIMO needed some custom programming for a show like this, many of the actions seemed to make use of its voice recognition, as the hostess would often make sure to look straight into its camera eyes and use specific phrases like, "ASIMO, why don't we show these people that you can also walk sideways?" Once in a while, the TV screens would show live footage from the cameras, superimposed with graphics that ostensibly show the object recognition at work. ASIMO also speaks, with the voice of a young boy. Fear not, though, child voice actors, it will be a while before you're out of a job.

As an engineer, it's hard not to be dazzled by ASIMO, knowing how difficult it must have been to create. Everyone else in the auditorium couldn't take their eyes (and cameras) off it either. It may ultimately just be an expensive toy, a fancy version of the Robosapien or Pleo that kids are playing with these days, but it's also an inspiring achievement of science and technology. We're not yet living in the future that was promised 50 years ago, but ASIMO is one step forward (pun intended) in that direction.

As for Innoventions in general, I would say that the only other thing worth checking out are the Segways, which you can learn to ride, for a minute or two. The "aging mirror" might be good for a few laughs as well. The rest of Innoventions is no more impressive than your local Best Buy, in my opinion. I'll grant Disney that visitors from some places might be impressed by the "house of tomorrow", with its HP Vista Media Center PCs (some stuck on the hourglass cursor), Xbox 360s, and Microsoft Zunes (yes, really). Most people, however, will find the conceit that they're being shown "not wild ideas that may fail, but futuristic technology that you can buy today" to be a thin veil over the truth that it's just a place to showcase sponsors' products, many of which aren't very futuristic at all. I can't tell you how many people I saw walking up to the touch screens attempting to pinch-and-zoom or multi-touch, leaving disappointed. Kids might like playing some of the games, but did you really spend hundreds of dollars on Disneyland admission so that they could play the same Guitar Hero they do at their friends' houses?

I won't go as far as saying that Tomorrowland has become Todayland. I will say, though, that Innoventions needs more things like ASIMO and Segway, or even the Siemens "Project Tomorrow" exhibit (scroll down), if it wants to be something more than a place to sit down for a while and escape from the heat.

Anything Can Be Funny

Roger Ebert, in his Step Brothers review:

Is this funny? Anything can be funny. Let me provide an example. I am thinking of a particular anatomical act. It is described in explicit detail in two 2008 movies, "Step Brothers" and the forthcoming "Tropic Thunder." In "Step Brothers," it sounds dirty and disgusting. In "Tropic Thunder," described by Jack Black while he is tied to a tree and undergoing heroin withdrawal, it's funny.

Same act, similar descriptions. What's the difference? It involves the mechanism of comedy, I think. The Jack Black character is desperately motivated. He will offer to do anything to be released. In "Step Brothers," the language is simply showing off by talking dirty. It serves no comic function, and just sort of sits there in the air, making me cringe.

[...]

I'm sure I've seen movies with more extreme language than "Step Brothers," but here it seems to serve no purpose other than simply to exist.

This is exactly the way I feel about a few of the Apatow productions I've seen. It's like when you go hang out with a group of people you don't know very well, and they're all joking around and laughing, but you can only manage a smile because you're just not one of them. Maybe the idea is to make so many movies with Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, and the rest of the gang, that they do start to feel like friends and you can start laughing at their everyday conversations.

(BTW, I need to lower my expectations for Tropic Thunder if I still want to enjoy it. Even Roger Ebert is getting me pumped up for that movie!)

YAGS - Yet Another Google Service

Along the lines of Second Life, Habbo Hotel and the to-date vaporware Sony Home, Google has launched a new service called Lively. It requires a small download and MSIE or Firefox browser. There's already a pile of fully 3D rooms. It has or will have hooks for facebook and myspace.

Where the Hell is Matt?

No way to set this up, but here is Wherethehellismatt.com. He eventually got sponsorship to do this, and here's the end result.


Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Face scanning technology flawed

Japan has face recognition software to "see" the amount of wrinkles on a face to judge the age of a customer at their cigarette vending machines. It looks like the camera can be fooled by a simple magazine cutout. More on how Bruce Willis wants young Japanese children to smoke here.

Update: Taspo is being used due to the face recognition issue. Sales of in store cigarettes have increased as consumers do not want to register to get a taspo card.

Utah just got more apealing

Utah gets a mandatory four day work week. They're experimenting if this will help reduce engergy use and pollution.

NYC waterfall by olafur eliasson

Pretty neat writeup about a waterfall that Olafur Eliasson created.

blindness

Been awhile since i posted. I was cruising the theatre recently and saw the poster for the movie adaptation of Blindness by Jose Saramago (see: one of the greatest writers of our time).

I've been a big fan of Saramago for a long time now. The movie has notable actors such as Gael Garcia Bernal, Mark Ruffalo, Julianne Moore, and Mark Ruffalo. The director is Fernando Meirelles whose body of work speaks for itself. Despite initial critical responses, I am eagerly waiting to see this movie.

Playing Hurt

(click to enlarge)

Despite my begrudged respect for the defensive prowess and overall championship-worthiness of this year's Boston Celtics, I've been reading about how torn up Tiger's knee was during the U.S. Open, and I had Photoshop running already, so I decided that the above photomontage was not going to make itself.

I do think Pierce deserved his Finals MVP, though; not only for the way he continually attacked the Lakers on defense and hit big momentum-shifting shots on offense, but for the way he carried his team through two crucial Game Sevens earlier in the playoffs. Plus, he's an L.A. guy at heart, even though he plays for the bad guys now.

Just, please — fewer theatrics next time.

Meet the Sniper

Big Ideas (Radiohead remix)

This is awesome!


Big Ideas (Don't get any) from 1030 on Vimeo.

Hack a DS to Make a Digital Sketchbook

A brief How To article can be found here to boot digital art pad software on your Nintendo DS.

This site displays many images created using the "Colors!" digital sketchpad software for the Nintendo DS.

Why I Don't Participate in Bike Races

USA Today: Car plows into bike race in Mexico, 1 dead

(Photo: AP)

The Hydra offers its condolences to the family of the man killed. Given the photo, it's a small miracle that he was the only one. As you might guess, the driver of the car was drunk.

Kobe is a Wild Boy

I don't know if these are real, but entertaining nonetheless.

This stunt caught their attention:



This one was with the "professionals":



Even pros need a reason to get on youtube. Looks like Kobe's got a backup career.

Where's all the Wii Fit?

I need to start attending talk shows, especially female hosted ones, they give out the best loot. Kotaku article on the show.

The Japanese Office

Ricky Gervais: "It's funny ... 'cause it's racist."

Ars Technica gets acquired

Talk about breaking news.

Dating Advice

McSweeney's lists good dating advice, taken from a GameFAQ for GTA: San Andreas. Some advice from the FAQ that's funny when taken out of context:

Just because she says she likes something doesn't mean that it's true. You are usually better off doing the opposite of what she says.

Perhaps if she's related to George Costanza ...

If you were going out with the girl and you killed her on a date, then you're in a situation similar to if you were dumped.

Um, "similar" is one word for it ...

It might be that some kind of event triggers phone calls, as you can often stand outside a girl's house for weeks without getting one.

The number she's calling at that point is probably only three digits long ...

The best haircuts for sex appeal are the cornrow, blonde cornrow, groove cut, and detail cut. Haircuts that give no boost to sex appeal include pretty much any that involve coloring (other than blonde) and the Elvis hair. Afros, mohawks, and goatees tend to give pretty low boosts as well.

Elvis hair, no sex appeal? You sure about that?

Gaining fat is easy. Just go to the fast food restaurant of your choice, and order up to 11 of the biggest meal they have. Don't have more than 11 meals in a 6-hour period though, or you'll vomit and gain nothing.

Profound.

The third basic type of date outcome is an abandon date. [...] The easiest way to do this is to get into a car, and then quickly drive away before your girlfriend can get in. [...] This is just like a failed date, but faster.

I can't tell you how much time I've saved over the years doing that ...

Yes, you can date all of the girls at the same time, and I recommend that you do.

Easy for you to say!

Clearly you both enjoy coffee a lot.

So Long, Sweet Mazdas

Mazda is destroying thousands of unused cars worth about $100 million:

It all started about two years ago, when a ship carrying 4,703 shiny new Mazdas nearly sank in the Pacific. The freighter, the Cougar Ace, spent weeks bobbing on the high seas, listing at a severe 60-degree angle, before finally being righted.

Nobody knows exactly what parts the salty ocean air corroded, or what other issues arose from having the vehicles tilted for so long. Despite having many willing takers for the cars anyway, the company is afraid of the implications of the cars getting into the hands of scammers and their unsuspecting victims.

Wrecking that many cars presents particular challenges. Hazardous fluids must be disposed of properly, potentially salvageable parts must be irreparably broken, and then there's the matter of the airbags:

For instance, most of the cars have six airbags, and discharging them individually (forcing them to inflate so they can't be resold) takes about five minutes apiece -- or a total of a half-hour per car. So engineers back at Mazda's headquarters, in Hiroshima, fashioned a device that can discharge all six at once. Multiplied by 4,703 cars, that trick alone saved months of work.

Don't worry, environmentalists, the scrap will be recycled.

The Journal article simply mentions that the Cougar Ace was "righted"; detail on that operation is in a dramatic Wired feature, which illuminates the lucrative, but high-stakes, profession of salvage work:

"Shut up!" Habib shouts. He explains that the Cougar Ace has become a labyrinth. Since it's heeled onto one side, they'll have to learn how to walk on walls and scale the sloping, perilous decks. Unfortunately, they'll have to learn to do it in the middle of the ocean. This will be their only chance to practice before they board the ship. Hopefully, no one else will die.

Don't worry, entertainmentalists, the story will be adapted into a movie.

Coffee table NES controller

Either it's a huge controller turned coffee table or a coffee table turned controller. More on this work of art here.